Melodic depression
by Lauretania
Summary: The piano had always been something of safety to Alec, when everything else was gone. But now... Now maybe he could actually have someONE of his own.. Magnus Bane.


**A/N: Rough day. Hope you enjoy this, please read, review, and fangirl. Now I'm going to sleep, I hope you all have a great day/night.**

* * *

He was playing the piano. He was always playing the piano, it seemed. The keys were white and smooth and comforting and the only noise in the apartment louder than a pindrop was the sound of the notes, Debussy's suite bergamasque suite 3, or better known as Claire de lune, playing throughout the place.

Alec sighed, not finishing the piece, as he lifted his fingers from the keys, and got up. He rubbed his face with his hands tiredly. The piano was brilliant of course, and yes it was comforting, but there was something missing... And that was all he could hear from himself. Every note lacked its emphasis, there was something that wasn't right... But what was it?

He slammed the lid of the Celviano harshly, the clatter of the lid making him jump and widen his eyes, and his stupidity forcing him to apologise to the piano and rest his hand on it.

He knew Max wasn't a real person. Not anymore anyway, but it was the only real company Alec had now.

The apartment was a mess, paper littered the floor, all of his failed compositions in disarray. He needed to get out, just for a bit. So he gathered all of the papers off of the floor, and a pencil, his keys, and phone, and headed out the door, to a nice coffee shop down the road.

New York is littered with coffee shops, but Alec had never seen one with a piano before this one. He didn't really like to play in front of crowds, but sometimes there would be one or two people left in the shop, and he could muster a few notes.

The walk to the coffee shop was brisk and cold, and Alec gathered his papers to his chest under his coat against the wind.

Frankly, the warmth of the coffee shop was more than welcome, and he headed up to the bar to order a drink in a hurry, before sitting down to a seat by the window. He could see the piano on his right and the people hurrying to and fro from the window. This was how he liked it. The piano reminded him of everything that stayed the same, but the window reminded him of everything that changed, there was constantly change, but the piano was something that stayed the same, from Bach, to Chopin, to Alec Lightwood, the piano would always be with them.

He bit against the top of his pencil, staring at the notes on the page. He was tapping his fingers against the table when the waitress came over to him and smiled, setting his drink down.

"Alec," She whispered excitedly, and Alec recognised her as his friend's girlfriend Clary. She had been a good friend to Max... before...

"There's a man across the coffee shop, don't look now, but he's been staring at you for about 5 minutes now. I think he's into you, Alec!" She squealed.

He waits a few minutes like she says before turning around. He sees the man she's talking about almost immediately. He's sitting with a book called 'Instrumental', with golden green eyes and dark black hair, spiked up in glitter. He has to hand it to Clary, he's hot, but ultimately, completely out of his league.

"Clary... look, I know you mean well, but he'd never be interested in someone like me. Besides he's um... Not my type." He lies, and returns his eyes to the composition on the table before him.

He hears Clary mutter a faint 'oh, ok...' before returning back to work.

He hums along to the tune on the paper, his fingers tapping against the table once more.

An hour passes, and it begins to get dark. Some of the customers leave, but the man in the corner doesn't shift. Alec feels himself blush sometimes when he catches the man staring at him.

He begins to channel the man into the music. He sees the man as a soft pretty melody with strong chords, sometimes sad and mysterious, sometimes loud and dangerous.

But he would never be interested in someone like Alec.

When only Alec, the man in the corner, and a few other people are left in the shop, the man in the corner begins to walk towards him, and Alec immerses himself in his papers again, scribbling notes down and crossing others off.

"You're a musician?" The man asks, picking one of the sheets up and examining it. "These are incredible. What do you play?"

He takes a seat beside Alec, taking a sip of his coffee as Alec stammers out a response.

"No... No I'm not a musician, I just play the piano a little." Alec replied.

"A little? This is a lot more than a little! Would you... Play something for me? On the piano over there?" He asks, pleading eyes so cute that Alec couldn't refuse.

"Ok." He says, and sits down at the piano. The man sits beside him.

"But at least tell me your name first." He bargains.

"Alright. Magnus Bane, at your service." He answers, bowing slightly. "And yours?"

"Alec Lightwood." Alec answers.

"Is that short for Alexander?"

"Well yes, but I prefer Alec." Alec says. Magnus nods, and then gestures for Alec to play.

The notes are like a tidal wave. He plays the composition he's been working on all day, he plays through Max's life, through the crash, through his own depression, through his whole life, and finally through Magnus, through all of the notes he wrote when thinking about him.

By the time he is finished, his fingers ache and he's exhausted. He looks over at Magnus, and is astonished to find Magnus with tears streaming down his cheeks.

"You have so much pain. What is it you're missing? It sounds like you're lost." Magnus says.

Alec looks down, striking up a few gentle chords with his fingers.

"I've already lost everything Magnus." Alec murmurs.

* * *

Many things have changed over the last few years, but to Alec, the most drastic change is Magnus. Just Magnus.

All the sudden shopping trips where Magnus buys Alec things he'll never wear, the Christmases he can spend with someone who loves him, teaching Magnus to play the piano.

It's that he loves the most.

He and Magnus will sit together on the piano stool, and he'll place his fingers over Magnus' long slender ones and guide him across the piano, and they'll create a symphony of sound or just some shy chords.

It is during one of these sessions where Alec explains what happened to Max;

"He was 10... And he was walking home when he was hit by a drunk driver. He died almost instantly, and I wasn't there for him... Izzy died a few years after. Suicide. It's just me and Jace now."

"And me."

"And you." Alec adds. "Always you."

* * *

It takes Magnus 2 more years to make Alec pursue his career in music.

Magnus works in design, but he knows his way around advertising, and since Alec and Magnus had started dating, Alec had been getting plenty of coverage from the media.

Plenty of publicity, so of course, his first concert is packed, and Alec is shaking with nerves.

Magnus fixes the collar of his shirt and blazer while Alec panics.

"What if i forget what to play? What if I stutter and can't explain the pieces to people? What if my hands shake and I mess up?" He demands, shaking and freaking out.

"Darling. Please. You were born to do this." He takes Alec's hand and kisses it. "I love you. You can do this."

And he's right of course. Alec does such a brilliant first concert that the media is shocked. He provides a new insight into classical music, and Alec can barely believe it. This isn't right. He shouldn't be profiting from his sibling's deaths. He shouldn't be enjoying himself!

LINE BREAK

The depression hits him again then. He struggles to do anything. The piano gathers dust for months. He barely moves, barely eats, but sleeps abundantly.

And when Max's birthday comes round, Magnus returns to find Alec curled up in a ball in the centre of their apartment crying. There's ripped paper all around the apartment, notes scribbled over them all.

Magnus says nothing at first, just lies down beside Alec and holds him close while he cries.

"Alec..." He says. "Just because Max and Izzy are dead doesn't mean you're not allowed to be happy."

* * *

It doesn't truly hit him that that is true until Jace and Clary's wedding. While he's been wasting away, Jace has been making something of his life.

Jace pulls him aside at the after party;

"Alec.. Look at Magnus over there. What do you see?"

Magnus is talking to a group of strangers, he's smiling, and laughing, and talking. A beacon of sunshine in Alec's dark life.

"Magnus." Alec whispers, because everything else is too much for words.

"Don't let him slip away Alec. I know you're struggling, but he loves you. Live a little, ok big bro?"

Alec nods.

He plays the piano at Jace and Clary's wedding too. And amidst all the notes and sounds, there's only one thing assaulting Alec's senses- and that's Magnus.

* * *

After the wedding, Alec starts to get better, and he works hard on his music again.

He even releases a book about his life, named after that book that Magnus was 'reading' (Magnus says he wasn't actually reading it, but staring at him outright would have seemed weird) on the first day they met.

And eventually, he becomes quite popular, and Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood become somewhat of a power couple. An ideal of the future.

Just like the ring on Magnus' hand is an ideal, a promise, of the future.

* * *

"So Alec, what would you say to claims of Magnus Bane saving your life?"

"Yes."


End file.
